somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
