You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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