drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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