Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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