That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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