I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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