No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
