I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
