everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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