She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
