I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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