pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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