Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize