Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
