It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
