i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
