I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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