sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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