Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
