i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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