he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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