I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize