Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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