Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
