finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
