some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
