She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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