happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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