Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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