'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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