Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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