when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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