I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
