I am puke
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
