Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
