It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
