So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
