Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
