You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
