There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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