girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
