First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we made out on top of his cat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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