I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
