Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
