Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
