I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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