I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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