So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
