... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
