My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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