Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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