What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
