Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize