I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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