Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
