My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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