I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
