I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
