i already hear my dad disowning me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
