So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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