i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
