When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
