you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize