I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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