he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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