Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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