I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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