It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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