She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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