I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
