i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
